Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I was analyzing how I feel about being a slave. I often struggle with being Masters wife and slave, it's like the lines blur. I was talking to a friend the other night who was talking about how she found a website about being a slave and her new Master says that it will be close to the list of things. So I was thinking, if I don't meet every requirement on the list, does that make me less of a slave?

I already know the answer, it doesn't make me less of a slave, but that doesn't stop me from analyzing it. And please I don't want comments to reassure me of the fact that I'm a good slave and such. Master tells me all the time, that I'm the slave that he wants. So why does this bother me so much? I think it's because I don't do the things that other slaves I know do. Because of our daughter we say we live the live 24/7, but it's hard. Then I started analyzing the fact that there are other slaves I know that have kids and they make it work, so how come we can't? I know that every situation is different, but I have been the one to think that if so and so can do it, so can I.

I often think about having a sister slave, but then I realize that it probably won't happen and that makes me sad. Why do I say that it will never happen? Because of Master's issue to not be able to have sex. I'm ok with it, I used to not be, but I love him and he has taught me that being intimate doesn't require intercourse. I used to think that if someone had sex with me that they loved me, but boy was I wrong about that.

On New Years day, I wrote a pledge to Master and while I post almost everything here in my journal, it's something special between him and I and I think I want to keep it that way, unless he tells me that he wants me to share it here. My attitude towards my slavery has changed drastically. I'm relearning the basics, like not to question, how to be respectful, and so on. I sometimes think that going back to the beginning is the best thing to do and in this case, it's really helping me. I know that I will never fit into a perfect slave mold, as there isn't one, but I will be the perfect slave for Master, whatever that may be.

Rich's kari