I want to talk about punishment, but first in talking about punishment the first question that comes up in my mind is what kind of punishment system are you on, if one at all?
We have tried many things. I have a list of rules and they are the things that are required of me, however they haven't been updated in quite some time, because heck, I don't have the time to update them. I'll make a mental note to do that sometime soon. In the beginning, if a specific rule, it had a specific punishment. If I was up past my bedtime, the next night, I was in bed 30 minutes earlier. I wasn't allowed to few certain people's profiles and/or blogs, if I did I would lose internet privileges. But I slacked off, then Master slacked off, so we re-grouped. When we re-grouped, which is just recently, He set up a point system. For things I don't do, there is a certain number of points that I earn. Each point given means I get one swat with the belt. That works pretty good. It's my responsibility to keep track of the points as He gives them out.
Do you have a point system or way to keep track of things you are to be punished for?
Now on to the punishments.
I was reading a blog a couple days ago and it was about being punished, by having to be banished to the kitchen, with no contact with anyone. The post went on to talk about different types of punishment, the main one being no contact. There are times when I am smarting off to Master and I wish He would send me to my room without any contact because then perhaps I would calm down and then further punishment could be avoided. So being sent to my room or a corner with no speaking, would be a good preventive measure. But for Him to withhold talking or interacting with me as a punishment would probably hurt me more than it would help me. My brain would go into the oh my gosh, He wants nothing to do with me, therefore, I need to find another place to stay, I need to strike at Him with words, to hurt Him so bad, because what's the point in being respectful when He already doesn't want me. That's what would go through my head if He punished me with no contact.
I have been thinking of other punishments. Spankings. Now, some would say that for a pain slut, which is me, a spanking isn't going to work, because I like spankings and I like pain. But ya know, I have to disagree with that one. If I'm going to get a spanking as a punishment, it's only with the belt. My mindset goes to a whole different place when I know that He is using that belt for a punishment. It is no longer arousing for Him to spank me. The blow of the belt lets me know that He's not playing around and there is just a switch in me that knows I'm in trouble. There is a big difference from when we are in play mode to punishment mode. I think that there are maybe a time or two that I have had to red out during play, but I swear when He is giving me a punishment I want to red out immediately, because it hurts that bad. So for me, spanking is an effective punishment.
Writing sentences. That worked when I was in a long distance relationship. My Master at the time would give me so many sentences to write, then I had to mail them to Him, if I didn't in the time allotted then He would add more. For me that was effective at the time. It has never worked with Master Rich and I really can't explain why, perhaps it's because I don't think He expects me to actually do it, so He uses other punishments.
Corner time. That works like a charm for me. It gives me a chance to remove myself from whatever is going on and recenter myself. I close my eyes and remind myself what I was doing wrong and that I need to calm down before I really explode and need up getting my butt spanked.
The same Master that started the sentences also had me use clothespins on my tongue when I talked back. I lived about an hour away from work, so one day He had me where an old t-shirt and a clothespin for 30 minutes. Let me tell you, that was awful. I was drooling all over myself, humiliated, thinking someone in another car would see me and it did work. I made sure that I was more careful with my tongue when speaking to Him. He used this punishment frequently, because I did backtalk quite a bit, heck I still do. He also used soap. Not very often because it messes with your tummy, but the few times that He did have me do that, worked as well. He kept telling me that He knew I liked the soap, that's why I kept up with the backtalk, but let me assure you it wasn't that I like the soap, it was that I just backtalk.
Do you have a particular punishment that your Master uses most as that might be the most effective way to correct your behavior?
I'm excited to see others responses.
Rich's kari
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Fears
I've been dealing with a lot of mood swings lately. A couple days ago I was happy as can be and yesterday I was laying on the bed in tears. Master was laying next to me trying to help me figure out what was wrong, I told Him that I was just depressed, but after thinking about it, I think I figured it out or at least some of it.
Obviously part of it was about the doctors appointment I had yesterday. Even though I have heard all the speeches a bazillion times, there is fear that yes I could become diabetic. I watched my Grams die from it. I watch Master deal with it everyday, having to make sure His feet are getting good circulation and all the other stuff. It's scary to think that I could be that way soon, as the doctor said probably in 5 years. 5 years might seem like a long time, but boy does it go by fast.
There is more fear though.
I wanted so much to be able to work doing phone sex, I pushed really hard to get hired, and was so excited about it. Then I got hired, took one call, failed, and now I'm scared to sign back on. But it's not just signing on that scares me. I have a 16 year old in the house, it's not easy to take call without the fear that she will wake up and discover what I'm doing. So, the whole I sit in the office logged in, I listen for her or any noise for that matter and the one time the phone rang, I panicked for several reasons. One, it was my first call, and two, what if I was too loud and she heard? So now I am ready to sign back on, in fact I did while she was gone, because there was no risk of her figuring anything out, but now that she's back from her trip, the whole fear comes back.
Another fear is creative memories. I'm a consultant, have been for 4 years. I love it. I get to scrapbook and help others perserve their memories, plus I get to interact with people and that's a very good thing for me. But the fear is what happens when I start school. I'm gonna busier than heck and I'm supposed to factor creative memories in. Where is it going to fit? Am I going to be able to keep doing events? Can we keep affording to pour money into this when I'm not making any money in return? And if I have to, how do I walk away from something that I really enjoy doing and that is good for me?
The next fear is school. Everyone who has read me for any length of time knows that I struggle in school because of my learning disability. I'm a little more confident because I did earn my Associates Degree, that was a huge step for me. But now I'm moving on to a music major that is going to occupy probably more time than I have. I have to take private lessons and that scares the shit out of me. What if the instructor says that I suck or that I will never be good enough again to be a music major? Then what do I do? I wanna teach music more than anything I have ever wanted to do for a career, but I can't help but think of what happens if that is no longer and option. The last time we were in Colorado, I brought home all of the music that I had from the time I started playing till the time I stopped and as I was looking through it all, I discovered that I was really good when I got out of high school. Looking through the music gave me the feeling that yes at one time I could do it, so could I do it again? The possibility is there, I know it is. It's just going to take a lot of work and that's scary, because the first time I went to college I was a music major, but I changed my major because I felt that I wasn't dedicated enough to music that I could practice as much as I needed to. Now I'm in the same boat. I should be practicing every day, do I though? Nope, I sure don't.
Now we can move onto the fear of money. Master tells me not to worry that He will take care of everything and we will be fine, but how can I not worry? I wish Him giving me an order to not stress would work, but alas it doesn't. I thought that doing the phone sex job would bring money in, but since it's hard to sign on for multiple reasons, I'm not making any money. At this point there is no point in finding a job outside the house because school will be starting soon, so I would have to quit and that wouldn't be good for my resume. I'll also have Aggi to worry about once school starts, as she's going to be active in school plays and choir groups, and since she can't drive, I get to play taxi. I don't really mind, because I want her to have the best high school experience that she can, but I do wish she could drive.
Driving. The car might not pass inspection in August. Ugh! That could create a bunch of problems. My parents called me a few days ago, said they were going to buy a new car and they would give us the one the have now, if we wanted it. Hell yes we want it. I asked how much they wanted for it and they said nothing, it would be a birthday and Christmas present, probably for the rest of my life and that's ok. Them giving us their car will help us so much, because we won't have to worry about what needs to be done to get the other car through inspection. Now it's just a matter of time in waiting to see when they are going to go buy their new car. My dad keeps changing his mind on when they are going to go get it, but I think it will be this weekend. We shall see though.
Vacation. One would think vacation is something that I would be looking forward to and I am, but I'm stressing about money to pay for the trip, what to pack, what we will do all the days we are gone, will we have a good time, will Master and I fight like we do sometimes on a trip, will Aggi drive Master and I absolutely crazy? See how my mind can go crazy with over analyzing things at times? It drives me crazy! Once we leave town, I will relax and get into the vacation mode. I'm excited to go to Seaworld and see all the water creatures. I love water creatures, I wish I could go swimming with them. At one point in my life I wanted to be a marine biologist so that I could go swimming with them, but that didn't happen and now I don't want to go through all the science and math classes, as both of those subjects give me a headache!
Wow! I feel lots better now that I have gotten a lot of my fears out of my system. Journaling has showed me that it's very therapeutic for me and the reason Master has me journal every day is supposed to help me and here I sometimes avoid journalling. Silly girl I am!!
Rich's kari
Obviously part of it was about the doctors appointment I had yesterday. Even though I have heard all the speeches a bazillion times, there is fear that yes I could become diabetic. I watched my Grams die from it. I watch Master deal with it everyday, having to make sure His feet are getting good circulation and all the other stuff. It's scary to think that I could be that way soon, as the doctor said probably in 5 years. 5 years might seem like a long time, but boy does it go by fast.
There is more fear though.
I wanted so much to be able to work doing phone sex, I pushed really hard to get hired, and was so excited about it. Then I got hired, took one call, failed, and now I'm scared to sign back on. But it's not just signing on that scares me. I have a 16 year old in the house, it's not easy to take call without the fear that she will wake up and discover what I'm doing. So, the whole I sit in the office logged in, I listen for her or any noise for that matter and the one time the phone rang, I panicked for several reasons. One, it was my first call, and two, what if I was too loud and she heard? So now I am ready to sign back on, in fact I did while she was gone, because there was no risk of her figuring anything out, but now that she's back from her trip, the whole fear comes back.
Another fear is creative memories. I'm a consultant, have been for 4 years. I love it. I get to scrapbook and help others perserve their memories, plus I get to interact with people and that's a very good thing for me. But the fear is what happens when I start school. I'm gonna busier than heck and I'm supposed to factor creative memories in. Where is it going to fit? Am I going to be able to keep doing events? Can we keep affording to pour money into this when I'm not making any money in return? And if I have to, how do I walk away from something that I really enjoy doing and that is good for me?
The next fear is school. Everyone who has read me for any length of time knows that I struggle in school because of my learning disability. I'm a little more confident because I did earn my Associates Degree, that was a huge step for me. But now I'm moving on to a music major that is going to occupy probably more time than I have. I have to take private lessons and that scares the shit out of me. What if the instructor says that I suck or that I will never be good enough again to be a music major? Then what do I do? I wanna teach music more than anything I have ever wanted to do for a career, but I can't help but think of what happens if that is no longer and option. The last time we were in Colorado, I brought home all of the music that I had from the time I started playing till the time I stopped and as I was looking through it all, I discovered that I was really good when I got out of high school. Looking through the music gave me the feeling that yes at one time I could do it, so could I do it again? The possibility is there, I know it is. It's just going to take a lot of work and that's scary, because the first time I went to college I was a music major, but I changed my major because I felt that I wasn't dedicated enough to music that I could practice as much as I needed to. Now I'm in the same boat. I should be practicing every day, do I though? Nope, I sure don't.
Now we can move onto the fear of money. Master tells me not to worry that He will take care of everything and we will be fine, but how can I not worry? I wish Him giving me an order to not stress would work, but alas it doesn't. I thought that doing the phone sex job would bring money in, but since it's hard to sign on for multiple reasons, I'm not making any money. At this point there is no point in finding a job outside the house because school will be starting soon, so I would have to quit and that wouldn't be good for my resume. I'll also have Aggi to worry about once school starts, as she's going to be active in school plays and choir groups, and since she can't drive, I get to play taxi. I don't really mind, because I want her to have the best high school experience that she can, but I do wish she could drive.
Driving. The car might not pass inspection in August. Ugh! That could create a bunch of problems. My parents called me a few days ago, said they were going to buy a new car and they would give us the one the have now, if we wanted it. Hell yes we want it. I asked how much they wanted for it and they said nothing, it would be a birthday and Christmas present, probably for the rest of my life and that's ok. Them giving us their car will help us so much, because we won't have to worry about what needs to be done to get the other car through inspection. Now it's just a matter of time in waiting to see when they are going to go buy their new car. My dad keeps changing his mind on when they are going to go get it, but I think it will be this weekend. We shall see though.
Vacation. One would think vacation is something that I would be looking forward to and I am, but I'm stressing about money to pay for the trip, what to pack, what we will do all the days we are gone, will we have a good time, will Master and I fight like we do sometimes on a trip, will Aggi drive Master and I absolutely crazy? See how my mind can go crazy with over analyzing things at times? It drives me crazy! Once we leave town, I will relax and get into the vacation mode. I'm excited to go to Seaworld and see all the water creatures. I love water creatures, I wish I could go swimming with them. At one point in my life I wanted to be a marine biologist so that I could go swimming with them, but that didn't happen and now I don't want to go through all the science and math classes, as both of those subjects give me a headache!
Wow! I feel lots better now that I have gotten a lot of my fears out of my system. Journaling has showed me that it's very therapeutic for me and the reason Master has me journal every day is supposed to help me and here I sometimes avoid journalling. Silly girl I am!!
Rich's kari
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Play Ball!
Tonight Master and I went to a baseball team. It was a tie in the last inning, so it went into overtime, we needed three scores to win, two people on bases, and the batter it a home run! Score!! We won! It was the first Roadrunner game that I have been to. We had wonderful box section seats, the air was nice, it's not too hot here yet, and I got to spend it with Master.
It was the perfect date night. The fun thing about this week, is it's like a date week since Aggi is in Texas.
I saw my doctor today and I have gained three pounds in a month. Ugh! Along with some other reasons, he took me off of my newest med, thank goodness! I was telling him that today I feel like I'm shifting into a manic mode, he said the new med wouldn't cause that, I told him I know, I can just feel my body shifting, he told me that I seem to know my moods pretty well. I was telling Master that I should know when I'm shifting because I've been dealing with this mood disorder for 11 years. I can't lie and say that I'm not happy about the possibility of becoming manic, because hell, it would be a welcome change around here. I'm pretty good at preventing myself from getting too high in the sky!
I hung up some pictures and knick knacks around the house today. We have been in this house for almost a year, more than likely aren't moving this year, so I thought it was time to really settle into the house and make it our own. I also have done some scrap booking last night and today, it is so therapeutic.
Tomorrow Master and I are hanging out with a friend of ours and her two boys. We will be meeting her boys for the first time, I'm excited. We are going to go swimming and then back here for a bar-b-que. While the house needs to be picked up, I'm not too stressed about it being spic-n-span, because she's seen the house at it's worst or close to it.
Well, I need to go get some stuff done and try to get some sleep.
Rich's kari
It was the perfect date night. The fun thing about this week, is it's like a date week since Aggi is in Texas.
I saw my doctor today and I have gained three pounds in a month. Ugh! Along with some other reasons, he took me off of my newest med, thank goodness! I was telling him that today I feel like I'm shifting into a manic mode, he said the new med wouldn't cause that, I told him I know, I can just feel my body shifting, he told me that I seem to know my moods pretty well. I was telling Master that I should know when I'm shifting because I've been dealing with this mood disorder for 11 years. I can't lie and say that I'm not happy about the possibility of becoming manic, because hell, it would be a welcome change around here. I'm pretty good at preventing myself from getting too high in the sky!
I hung up some pictures and knick knacks around the house today. We have been in this house for almost a year, more than likely aren't moving this year, so I thought it was time to really settle into the house and make it our own. I also have done some scrap booking last night and today, it is so therapeutic.
Tomorrow Master and I are hanging out with a friend of ours and her two boys. We will be meeting her boys for the first time, I'm excited. We are going to go swimming and then back here for a bar-b-que. While the house needs to be picked up, I'm not too stressed about it being spic-n-span, because she's seen the house at it's worst or close to it.
Well, I need to go get some stuff done and try to get some sleep.
Rich's kari
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